Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Everything about nothing

I think it's safe to say I am completely failing on this blog thing. In some way, I think it's due to falling behind on what I've seen and the things I've done and never really catching up. I think, also, that it is in part to the fact that when life is happening with such great events, the mind can become overwhelmed, exhausted and to write it down seems like a daunting task when your other option is to rest and recuperate from all the adventures. So I guess this is a blog about nothing specifically that I've done. No pictures needed. Just my take on my 8 months on the other side of the world.

I think I can say with great confidence and with no surprise that I am not the same person I left as. I've learned so much about people, the world and mostly myself. There is no one great change that I could tell you. It's all the small accumulation of things, as is most of life. A house isn't a home. There is no certain number of people required to make it a home. No one specific piece of furniture, painting or particular color of paint will make a home. When you add these things together, you create something bigger. I guess the good ol' scientific saying of "the sum is larger than its parts" would greatly apply here. It's not that I walk differently or talk differently (though I have been picking up some Irish and English slang here and there), but rather I've just evolved into the next version of myself. To be here, with no friends or family from home to know you and your behaviors, really makes you rely on yourself and discover what you're made of. I've come across a new strength that cannot be shown, proven or words spoken to express any of it. I can just feel it. I feel as though the person I was has become more set in stone. So, I guess it could be said that I haven't changed in so many ways, but rather that I have solidified my being. I speak up and speak out with a determination I lacked before. I have more ambition, yet am ironically more confused about life than I ever have before. To meet so many people that have come from so many different walks of life can really open a persons eyes. To see that so many different roads can lead to one location is a fascinating thing. Though, as quickly as you can think it is so interesting that we all ended up in the same spot, you just as quickly realize that it's not a spot you were all heading to but rather a crossroads where you stopped to have a drink and meet some nice people at the corner pub. I've met people whose life ambitions are to be a lawyer all the way to those that are determined to never have more responsibility than choosing which country to visit next. Yet we all find solitude together in this place. A common ground in this road stop of life. We can laugh at the clothing we don't understand or the food that drives us nuts together. We struggle with our language barrier and then together realize that hand gestures work far better than any attempt at Korean ever will (since any accent with Korean language makes it so they will NEVER understand you). We meet. We bond. We say goodbye and shed a short tear.

As such, during my time here, I've discovered how much the people in your life can make such a difference. My first city was great. I met some wonderful people and I hope that some of those friendships can remain through time. Though even with these friendships, I felt very detached and separate from my surroundings. I made the presumption that this was because it was Korea; an ever changing group that never had any real attachments formed. Then, I moved to my second city. A smaller city with fewer stores and activities...yet I've never done so much in my life. I've met people that I feel at ease with and I feel like I belong. I don't have to call to ask if I can come with on their outings because I'm already presumed to be in the activities. There is no judgments passed and a freedom to be yourself. We've bowled, batted, danced, hiked, gone to festivals, and more. This diversity in my experience here has given me such an in-your-face evidence of what the people in your life can do for you. I wasn't unhappy before by any means, but I definitely did not enjoy my experience nearly as much as I do here. It was a random turn of events and a split second decision as to how I moved schools and I've found that some of my greatest decisions have been made two very important things....1)an emptiness of mind. I say this because to sit and think to long on pros and cons can create a decision in itself. One could worry themselves out of a situation and remain in their circle of comfort. We need to not worry of what we will miss but rather empty our minds and embrace all the possibilities of what we could gain. and 2) a leap of faith. Just do it. Believe that everything happens for a reason and this was what I'm meant to do. I used to be obsessed with planning and I would worry so much about everything that could happen that I would miss so much of my life. Yes, somethings need to be thought about and planned, but somethings you can just know in your gut are right for you. A friend once told me he would have moments in life, essentially a deja-vu moment, and he said he knew right then and there that he was exactly where he was suppose to be. He believed that those moments were the glimpses when the life you're living intersected with where you should be, and as they overlapped, you had a deja-vu feeling. If this is true, I had one of those moments today. So perhaps I'm exactly where I'm meant to be at this moment. It's difficult to be away from loved ones. It's hard to exist in a culture different from our own. I don't know where life will bring me, who I'll love, when I'll have a home, what job I'll take, I just know that I'm exactly where I should be and I'm becoming the person I always wanted to be. I'm doing my best to gather as much life experience as I can and to learn as much about myself and the world as I can. I want to be able to enrich others lives with what I know someday, and to do so, I needed to do something outrageous and unique. I dream about stepping off that plane in 4 months and seeing parents (preferably with Chipotle and a Diet Dew in hand, maybe even a beef n cheddar to boot :P ), but I'm also trying not to live too much in the past or future. I'm trying to enjoy and embrace every bit of this as a I can, as this is a rare and unlikely experience that most people will never have. Thus completes my blog about nothing and everything. Perhaps it's boring, perhaps it's insightful, but it what I had to say at the moment. To write about events and things that happened months back is just difficult to do and I know I would procrastinate because of this. Hope all is well in the world of whomever is reading this. If you're friends or family, I'll be seeing you soon. If you are a random blog reader, I hope you're enjoying your life to the fullest (that goes for my friends and family as well, of course).

                                           ******Dare to be amazed******

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